That's some skirt.

So this morning I got on pretty early on a Penn Line train in Odenton. I believe it was the 5:51am. I needed to get in early for a meeting. It got pretty cold overnight and it was 30 degrees on the platform waiting for the train. The train ride in was uneventful but as I was walking with the crowd from the train to the escalators there was a guy in front of me wearing a kilt. Seriously, a kilt. I was thinking "Where did this guy get on the train and how long did he have to stand out in the cold?". Brrrrrrhhh..

gettin' the business!

So yesterday afternoon I get off the train in Laurel and start walking to my car. Its not uncommon for people trying to sell their product to put brochures or printed cards on everybody's windshield. Yesterday afternoon was subject to some heavy storms that went through the area and then the sun came out by the time the train was unloading. There was a 4"X6" advertising card on my windshield under the wiper. The card had a coating on the printed side, but not the back. The rain and the sun physically "glued" these cards to everybody's windshield. I ripped mine off and waited until I got home to scrape most of it off with a razor blade. As I was pulling out of the parking lot I could see a numerous people picking at their windshields with disgust.

The part I pulled off left the printing intact along with the companie's phone number. I bet they "got the business" yesterday!

roller bags

One of the things that I see on an almost daily basis are "roller bags". I'm not sure of the technical term, but these are the cary bags and small suitcases that have rollers built in and a handle that telescopes out to let the owner pull the bag behind them on the ground. In a crowded commuter setting these things are like landmines.

This morning getting off the train it was relatively crowded, but not so much that I couldn't see the spacing between individual people. Some mornings it gets so crowded that you can't see the roller bag people. I've have numerous occasions to kick or trip on these death traps. Every time I think "I hate those f*&king bags".

At least most times I just think it. I believe that once I even said it out loud and got a look that told me I was a crazy person. So be it. One of the worst features of these bags is that people don't know how to "drive" them. They are kind-of liking towing a trailer. You have to swing your turns wide so that you don't catch doors or other people. Most people with these bags are already physically "infirm", so you can be sure they aren't paying attention to how they swing those things around.

Maybe a mandatory saftey course for roller bags? Or at least a flag that sticks up in the air as a warning..

hippocratic oath

This morning coming into the building from the train I passed through security slightly behind a younger lady. She got her stuff and stepped to the back of an open elevator and watched me as the doors began to close. I waved my hand through the opening to set off the electric eye and reverse the doors. I got on and rode with her and she got off on the 5th floor. It was then that I noticed she was wearing scrubs and going into our medical section to start her work day. I sure hope I don't get her for a nurse the next time I get sick here!

those are some ugly feet!

This morning walking from union station to my office my eyes were drawn to this young lady, attired professionally wearing a business-style dress and carrying a purse of some kind. She seemed perfectly normal except that she was wearing some of those new sneakers with the molded toes. Besides that they were green. So it looked like she had these big hideous green feet walking down the street. Very funny.

we win, we lose

This morning's ride into DC was nice and relaxing. I got onto the "quiet" car so I could read some of my book. The quiet car is the car at the furthest from the forward motion of the train and is a car in which people can zonk out or read and must stay off of their cell phones and if talking must have quiet conversation. I describe the quiet car as being "furthest from forward motion" because the engine isn't allways on the front of the train. Sometimes the cars are pushed and sometimes they are pulled.

This morning heading southbound I was on the East side of the train. I know this because I was able to enjoy the sun coming up. It was slightly above the horizon all the way in. As we passed Greenbelt a metro subway train had pulled out and was beside us (within one hundred feet anyway) and we were riding side-by-side for awhile. It looked to me like the train engineer sped up the locamotive a bit before the tracks diverged onto their separate routes. We pulled ahead as the I lost sight of the metro. I thought "we win".

Pulling into union station the train slows down gradually before it stops. The platform we were pulling up to was a low platform and one of the amtrak workers was out on the end with one of their glorified golf carts. He sped up onto our platform from the far side and gassed it to get ahead of us to the station before we stopped and unloaded our crowd of riders into his way. I thought to myself as he zipped by us: "we lose".

on time departure

Yesterday afternoon on the Camden line the train left at 4:13pm as it is supposed to, pulled ahead about 20 feet and stopped. This happens quite a lot. I believe they can report the departure train statistics as on-time if they close the doors and pull ahead a little bit at the appropriate time. Seems a shady way to make their performance look better than it actually is.

cattle drive

So today is one of those days where it happens. Because of delays and just bad timing two or three trains came into the station at one time. Its bad enough trying to get off the platform and out of union station with a Penn train, but when they come in together it is like a human cattle drive. Everyone clomps along trying to keep our hooves from touching one another. Then it funnels down to a choke point at the top of the escalator down to the exit and/or the metro subway entrance. I keep expecting to see two guys at the bottom of the escalator with bolt guns ready to put us out of our misery. And I swear I just heard a low guttural "mooo".

my evil delight, repetitive stupidity

I have to admit that I have one evil little joy on the train, and I saw it again yesterday in the afternoon when I was leaving DC on a Penn line train. There are two primary types of rail cars that are used, old and ancient. The ancient cars are mostly on the Camden line and are these big steel framed cars with an aisle down the middle of the seating. The newer cars are double decker's. After you enter the door from the vestibule there is a landing with a couple of sets of seating and stairs going up or down. Effectually you can carry about one and a half times the people on the double decker's than the ancient cars. Well, the doors on these trains operate differently. The ancient cars have a manual slider door with a pull handle that is heavy. The slightly newer double decker's have a large black button, probably 4 x 6 inches that says in bold white lettering "Push to Open". These doors are electrically operated. This button is right next to a piece of angled metal on the door that can be used as an emergency handle when the car doesn't have power. You have to push the button on these cars, if you pull the metal tab the door will only budge about an inch. Yesterday I sat on the Penn train (a double decker) waiting to leave union station and was facing the door to the vestibule. These doors all have windows so you can see the people approaching. I saw one younger lady pull the metal tab a total of six times before a person coming up behind her told her to look down and then she figured out that she had to push the button to get into the car. I find this absolutely hilarious. I try to count how many times a person will do the same repetitive motion before they get smart enough to realize it's not working and actually try to figure out what they are doing wrong. There are a lot of times the person just keeps trying the wrong approach until someone a little more savvy comes up behind them. It's an evil delight and I realize it, but people will keep trying the wrong approach because thinking and reading just hurts too much.

End of the Train

This morning was a Penn line trip into our nation's capitol. I like to get on in Odenton and I park on the southbound (inbound) side. Parking this way I end up walking by all the groups that form down to the end of the platform because invariably there is more seating towards the rear of the train. Penn line trains can be eight to ten cars long and there are always a lot of people, even early in the morning. Being a guy, I notice the women, particularly the attractive ones waiting for the train. Every time I come out this way the younger more attractive women always board toward the front of the train. There's probably a psychological study in the making just on where people chose to board and what they look like and what there personality type is. I'm definitely more of an introvert and want to avoid as much crowding as possible. These are the type of people I see boarding with me at the end of the train.

water boy and the morning "cut off"

So this morning I didn't wake up in time for my normal train. (It happens) If I take the next train I get in within five minutes of my starting time, and today was going to be one of those days.

I decided that I had enough time to bring in water. The government agency for which I work has water fountains, but the building is full of lead and asbestos, so I feel safer drinking bottled water. There's a whole other topic of conversation that I may write about later, probably calling it "The Life and Death of the Government Worker", which would be appropriate. But that is for another day. Bottled water at work is $1.50 for a 20 oz. bottle. I can go across the street to a cafe and get a 1.5 liter bottle for $2.50, which is slightly more cost effective. But the cheapest economy of scale by far is to get gallons of spring water from the grocery store for about 90 cents.

Carrying two gallons of spring water on the train along with my book bag is tricky. There's a lot of people I need to avoid and with the seating on the train I have to get the bottles under my seat in front of me. This allows room for others. Then it has to be carried through the train station and on the streets to my work site, go through the metal detector process, and then up the elevators to my office. Its tiring. I see why nobody else does it.

This brings me to another psychological topic I've been wanting to bring up. I call it the morning "cut-off". I stood in the back of the group this morning closest to the head of the train so that I could set the gallon jugs down. The train pulled up and the large group starts climbing the two stairways where the cars join to enter the train. Rationally the people going in to each entrance should proceed left or right accordingly into their car for seating but it doesn't work that way. The entrance to the left of me emptied first but then people come out from my group, enter the other entrance, and cut across the vestibule so that they can get ahead of the people patiently waiting. I don't get this. How is this acceptable etiquette. A guy this morning actually made me back up so he could cut out of our group and get up the other stairs and cut in before me at the vestibule level. There's something weird here, but I see it every day. I will say that I don't think this crosses anyone's mind but my own and perhaps a few other individuals. Maybe that is why this is acceptable. Nobody "thinks" anyone else would find this rude.

lunch in the heat

Today for lunch some of my work staff and myself went over to a neighboring building's cafeteria as they have good chicken wings on Friday. Lately the heat has been horrible, it's another day of 100 degree heat on the concrete. At that temperature the smell of concrete stained by homeless guy's urine rises directly to the nose.

The biggest A-hole on the train..

When I take the train into work in the mornings there is a lot of time for reflection, particullarly if it is one of those mornings when I am sitting outside of the group of my friends; my friends normally congregating at one end of one of the cars. Sometimes I just like to sit, wake up, and think.

Commuter train cars are all basically constructed the same way, with an entrance at either end to go into the next car, plus an exit on each end (door) to get off depending if the platform is going to be on right hand side or the left hand side. They call the area where the cars are hooked together the "vestibule". It's the small area that allows eggress from either side and the opening to go to the next cars "vestibule". This entire area has a door that remains closed into the main passenger cabin. The conductors continually warn people "Don't stand in the vestibule until the train has come to a complete stop!"

As the train comes into Union Station DC in the morning it gradually slows down and everybody that is on the train is going to have to disembark. It's the last stop and everyone gets off to scurry on to their work destination for the day. Over the years I find the etiquette interesting as the train pulls into the station. People will get up from the middles of the cars and file up to the front, effectively forming a line to the door so that they can get off before their trainmates. But when the train comes to a stop and it is now "obvious" that everyone is leaving, people are 'fake' polite and let the people in the seats filter out if they are ahead of you  in the line. This is interesting psychology. If the people aren't paying attention it's ok to cut ahead and get to the front. But as soon as everyone has to get off and is paying attention, 'fake' politeness rules. ;-)

For awhile I thought that the biggest a-hole on the train was the person that got up and walked to the door first, commanding attention that he (or she) was going to be the first one to get off the train. After a number of years I've decided that this isn't true. The biggest a-hole on the train is the person that waits for the first person to make his or her way to the door and then quickly gets up behind them so that they can be second. They now have someone in front of them so it "looks" fine that they got up behind them. Agreed, the first person is self-important and wants to get off first, but at least that person is honest about it. I stand by my decision, it's the second person to get in line that is the biggest a-hole on the train. ;-)

"Good Morning!"

This morning I needed to ride on the Penn line so that I could leave work early for an afternoon appointment. A problem with riding on the Camden trains is that once the morning rush hour is over the tracks are used to haul frieght and the first commuter train out in the afternoon is after 4 pm. I said "good morning" to the conductor when he came around looking for tickets and he just looked at me, looked at my ticket and walked on.

I'm amazed at the rudeness of the Penn line conductors. I was coming back on a Penn train about a year ago when the conductor got to a young man that wasn't very experienced with the train and didn't have a ticket but wanted to buy one. The problem was that he didn't have cash and wanted to buy the ticket with a credit card. The conductor that day is a surly older gentleman with (what I think) is a German-sounding accent. The conductor gave the young guy a chastizing that they only take cash and told him he had to get off at the next stop, find a cash machine, and wait for the next train. As the conductor walked away he said loudly so that all could hear "That's the problem with this country! Nobody carries around any money!". I understand you need to do your job, but berating the customers in front of everyone is over the line. That's why I try to keep my mouth shut while on the Penn line.. you never know what kind of mood your conductor will be in that day!

clotheslined!

For today I thought I would share an incident that happened a few weeks ago in June on the Penn line train. MARC has three different train lines that come into DC called the Penn line, the Camden line, and the Brunswick line, named because of where they originate on their way into DC. I normally take the Camden line or the Penn line. On the date this happened I wasn't on the Penn train but a friend of mine was and here is her quote from Facebook: "While boarding the train I just literally witnessed a woman 'clothesline' and take down another female passenger while yelling "I won't let you cut in front of me". Seriously?".

I find this funny and disturbing at the same time. Further (Facebook) posts showed that Amtrak police was waiting at DC and there was some discussions and a possible arrest made. The Camden line train has a lot of people riding, but no where near the amount of people that ride the Penn line. When I board the Penn line train I stand back and let all the "pushy" people get on first and wait until the end to board. It's usually the best thing to do.

Train "etiquette" is very odd in Maryland and I'll discuss some of that in future posts. For now I'll just explain how train boarding works. Normally people know approximately where the train is going to stop and position themselves into "groups" accordingly. So scattered down the platform you will see groups of 20-40 people trying to guess where the train will stop. Normally I like to stand away from these groups a little bit and second guess them. If I luck out I get on the train first, but normally I end up waiting till the end to board. No big deal. At the station where I get on there is still plenty of seating.

Ring Tone

So this morning coming in to work on the MARC train it is a peacefull and quiet ride most of the way in. In the final few minutes as we are pulling into the station a guy's cell phone goes off with a ringtone in this woman's voice "You can't hide from me, I own your ass!  You can't hide from me, I own your ass!". I can only assume it must have been his wife calling.